The bubble pop

I should have known
When you stopped taking me dancing
And there would be no more romancing
I should have known
You wouldn't be adoring me anymore
I am all alone at the age of fourty four
I should have known
When you stopped giving me all that focus
And the nightmare that eventually woke us
I should have known
Life in the bubble would pop
And all that I took for granted would stop

No more alphas please

"Stop leaving the bird feader out," Betty, the lady I have been talking to told me. You cant save the world....you are not responsible for smoothing over the rough bumps in peoples lives. I regretted telling her too much, even though I'm paying for her to listen to me. It still felt wrong to continually talk about myself without asking her how she was. Now I've gone and told her I've given a few handouts in this tough economy and suddenly I'm the bad guy in my own problems. I wasnt going to explain to her that I think it was exactly what Jesus would do and expect the more fortunate to do as well. My parents have always sneered at beggars, explaining they needed to get themselves out of their own circumstances the way they had to. Even my husband refused the streetwise guy in the neighborhood on a daily basis. He'd sing songs like "streetwise...I know your never going to stop and buy one," when my husband walked by, but if you are walking by five times a day it would start to feel like a toll. One of his songs that irritated the crap out of me was "streetwise...thank you anyway.". It was near Christmas when I handed him a twenty and told him to drop that one from his repetor.  He smiled and said "no problem". We gave each eachother polite nods when it's me and the husband.  It must be funny for him to see us go by as a family, the man who wont start the bleed oblivious to the one who handed out the occasional big bill just so she doesnt have to feel the discomfort five times a day.
Alphas are a different story. I seemed to carry that stink they cant resist. I immediately looked appealing to them as a side kick, a love guru to their personal problems and all around good friend that will jump through hoop after hoop and allow them to control the entire day.  It was a hard train to stop. I lost friends, but they were friends who were only interested in thier agenda, friends who pushed to see how far I would go, friends who drained the shit out of me. A couple of them are left, they have been grandfathered in but the rest had to go, they were not going to accept the new way, I would be forever fighting those boundaries that were so easy to cross for too many years. I somehow managed to blow twenty years, I cant waste any more time being somebody's sidekick, somebody's go to girl. Apha's to me seem no different than narcisists. They don't see you.