So I like to needle my husband about his girl gazing when I'm drinking.  We don't go out together often, but we go out separately on a regular basis.  So when we are out together I needle him in no time at all, and I ruin the night, and it's just as bad as if he ruined the night doing what I needle him about.  But I'm so sick of what he does that I can't stomach one more memory of his girl gazing, that I will ruin it before it even happened.  He can't understand why I make such a big deal out of it.  "I don't know why you make such a big deal" he actually said.  It's like he popped the bubble, and literally the night of my fortieth birthday when he couldn't take his eyes off a cocktail waitress the entire evening.  His argument was "but I did everything else right, the surprise party, the reservations, I took care of everything!  Couldn't you just overlook this one little thing?"  I guess it's no big deal that I forgoed going to Key West with him in favor of hanging out with my mentally abusive mother for nine days when she already agreed to watch our kid so we can get away alone together.  But what fun would it be if I have to share the spotlight with women half my age?  Why does that make me jealous?   If Pinterest sayings were to be believed, then life is way to short to be stuck with mediocre love.  If I have to feel like I am with a caged animal every time we go places, if he is giving out that energy that he would rather be hanging out at the next table where some object of his affection is sitting, then does that make me insecure or perhaps choosy on the quality of my company?  And what if the quality of my company is sub par to me?  If I confront him and he says something like "I was just being nice to her"  isn't going to cut it anymore, am I allowed to move on?  Do I get to upset the entire family and break my child's heart to separate from him and destroy the "thing" that we had?  That thing where we are best friends who make each other laugh, party together, collaborate over art and projects together, have sex and get along in this domestic life together, that is not at all emotionally fullfilling?  I want to feel loved, to be adored, to have this connection where I know I can talk about anything and be understood or at least heard.  It's been a lonely eight years and the kicker is he will be completely shocked when I lower the boom and end this thing while im still young enough to have a second chance.  And I will feel guilty and wrong for doing it, because he is the responsible one who takes care of EVERYTHING.  He keeps it all going so I can only feel like the selfish one for not wanting to starve emotionally anymore.